My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
you never un-have a 4some
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
