My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
