A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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