I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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