I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
