there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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