Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
