Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She's the barista slut.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
