I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
