There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
