Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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