I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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