Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
