She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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