oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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