He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm getting married
To pizza
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
