i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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