I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
