Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
