The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
