The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
That's how pantless uber rides happen
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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