My hand turned me down
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
