I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
