just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
