Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
