I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
