Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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