They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
