You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
