so explain again why im purple
no
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
