He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
