you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
