just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm just crazy horny about you
MIDGETS
????
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
