How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
