i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
