Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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