Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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