did you get engaged???
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
