I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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