Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I have fence marks all over my body
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
