apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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