she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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