dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
