im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
