I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Randomize
