vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
