i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
