Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
