Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
