He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
