wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
