I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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