I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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