:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
