mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
