Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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